‘When will you get married?’ ‘When are you going to have children?’ ‘How many do you want?’ Those are some of the pressing questions women in their twenties get. But what if I don’t want kids? Am I really a selfish and horrible person? Do I have to decide now?
“You might not want kids *now*, but eventually you’ll want them, you’ll see” is the answer I keep getting. Never say never, right? I get it, but what if I don’t see myself as the “mom type”?
Some women are born to be mothers. They feel like it’s their destiny and that’s absolutely fine. Others are sure they don’t want that life and take another route. That’s fine too. But what if you’re in the middle? How do you choose? Can you choose?
Life is messy and things rarely go according to plan, but I’m in my mid-twenties and I’m starting to question if the family package is for me. I definitely want to get married, but I don’t know if I’m up to taking on the raising-a-child responsibility. Having a kid is a big job, whether you plan for it or not. Kids are expensive, but my main worry is: am I suited to be someone’s mother? What if I’m terrible at it? What if I screw up my kid and he or she ends up hating me?
And what if I don’t want to do it?
Sometimes I go to restaurants or coffee shops or any public place and I see parents struggling with their toddlers or teens and I think: why would anyone’s want to go through that voluntarily?? It’s too much work.
Even though I’ve been working for a few years I feel like I’m at the beginning of my career. There are goals to be achieved, promotions to be gained and bonus’ to be earned. I really want to go down that working woman’s path and in the meantime, it feels like the right thing. Besides, I still have many fertile years ahead (at least a decade) so I don’t need to have kids anytime soon. Then again, time flies by… (And I keep asking myself: can women have it all? What do I want?)
What scares me is that someday I’ll wake up and feel like Tina Fey in “Baby Mama”. In it, she plays a successful executive who wakes up one day (at age 37) and suddenly wants a baby. This is the opening monologue of the movie:
I did everything that I was supposed to do. I didn’t cry in meetings. I didn’t wear short skirts. I put up with the weird upper management guys that kiss you on the mouth at Christmas. Is it fair that to be the youngest VP in my company, I will be the oldest mom at preschool?
Not really, but that’s part of the deal.
I made a choice. Some women got pregnant. I got promotions. And I still aspire to meet someone and fall in love and get married, but that is a very high-risk scenario. And I want a baby now. I’m 37.
It’s too much for a first date, isn’t it? I said too much.