The 21st century is upon us. We’re digitizing everything now, even dating. I was a fan of this at first, but after a year of being a Tinder user, I just want to go back to the complicated “he likes me, he likes me not” methods of the digital-free olden days.
I admit it. I am in love with being in love. I can easily commit and I am usually looking around to see if I fill the instant “ZING” people are supposed to feel when two star struck lovers meet. I know this is not the wisest method when looking for love and I’ve come to learn that a relationship is not something that is built on that “zing”, but on commitment and daily effort.
In my case, the desire for instant love and gratification made me a Tinder user. Several months into the app I discovered that at the end, I would just end up getting hurt or hurting someone. Mostly by the expectations that I put on these men and new relationships. This app made it so easy to fast-forward the part that makes so many girls so anxious – the uncertainty of being liked back – which explains its huge success.
At first, this fast-paced manner of meeting men was great. Then, it made me realize that all though it confirmed the fact that someone physically likes you back, throws us into a grayer area. I found myself wondering, too many times, why I was not good enough to make these men stop seeing many girls at once and just get to know me (and vice-versa).
As I discussed this with more female friends, I discovered that we are all so afraid of being rejected by one man, that we tried to accumulate as many as we can in order to not be alone and feel wanted. As we did this, we created our own vicious dating circle in which we felt insecure, unwanted, and dissatisfied. But nonetheless, we still kept Tindering.
After too many months of chatting, dating, and ending things with several men; I realized that Tinder was getting all my insecurities come out at once. I learned that I cannot give one mobile phone application so much power over my self-esteem.
Still, not everything was a loss. I met so many nice men that simply were not as ready to commit, either with me, or at all. And that was their choice. I had fun, and lesson learned. After taking some time to reflect on it, I don’t regret meeting them, I just regret the method. I don’t hate the player, I hate the Tinder game.
Breakups and disappointments have their perks. This “experiment” (that’s what I’m going to call it) helped me get to know ME better, what I want and what I don’t want in a relationship. And “casual” is definitely not my thing. I’ve decided to take my time, stop chasing after love, and staying off dating apps. Now that I have a clearer idea of what I want, I’ll just wait for it to come around.
We’ve all had different experiences. Was yours any different? What’s your story using these kinds of apps?